Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Signpost

You were the signpost that showed "The Way"
As I wandered along life's road one day
Like an autumn leaf, that was blown and tossed
Unaware that I was even lost

You spoke God's truth and so much more
In ways I'd never heard before
I saw such love and joy in you
I felt compelled to follow too

And many others came to know
And lives were changed from seeds you sowed
 A quiet beauty you displayed
Just simply living out "The Way"

Then pain and sickness came around
And knocked the faithful signpost down
Still, from the stricken place you lay
With courage, you still showed "The Way"

The signpost has now gone for good
And few can stand where you once stood
But I am grateful for the day
The signpost once showed me  "The Way"

In memory of Cathy.
Sunrise 23/02/60 , Sunset 13/10/12
 Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
 Eternally grateful.

Friday, October 12, 2012

The War of Words

You became my hero yesterday. Right there in McDonalds. And I would stick a purple heart on your chest if I could because what you did was heroic in my eyes. How courageous you were. How bravely you battled and struggled and fought - until you won. And I was so proud of you.
 I am so proud of you.

I realized yesterday that you fight this battle every day. This war of words. 
This is the life of one who stutters.
It is a struggle. 
Internal and external. 
Every. Single. Day.

You had to place your order and I made the decision not to speak for you any more. And you were nervous and anxious. You stuttered and stumbled and blurted it out.
 She didn't understand what you said.

Both of you looked to me for interpretation and clarification. 
And I looked the other way.

It hurt me to do that. I know it hurt you too. But I know there are bigger battles 
ahead for you, so I had to let you fight this one alone.

And you did.

I wondered...what would it feel like if I was to run every race and never get to the finish line?
To go on a diet and never lose any weight?
To keep writing exams and never pass?

Surely I'd feel defeated. Surely I'd lose hope.
Surely I'd give up.
I think most people would.

 Yet you don't. You get up every day and go out into this world
and fight this battle. This war of words.

Yes, there are victories. But there are also crushing defeats.

 And wounds that may not heal. And scars I'll never see.

So I had my own war of words. With God. And it was ugly.
And I asked him how he expected me to stand by and watch my son suffer.
And he reminded me that he saw His Son suffer.
In a garden.
And on a cross.

So son, I hope you know this: even though I cannot fight this war for you,
I am always, always on your side.

For Elliot. My son and my hero.
You can read the poem I wrote for him here

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose.