When I Became A Mother

When I became a mother

Something was birthed in me

The power to love another one

So unconditionally

When I became a mother

My heart just grew and grew

It multiplied and magnified

And flowed with love for you.

When I became a mother

Part of my heart left me

And went to live within the child

Who once lived within me

When I became a mother

I never thought I'd see

Growing before my very eyes

Ones, I wish I could be

And now that I'm a mother

It melts me through and through

To hear my sons, say these few words

"I want to be like you"

And now that I'm a mother

My prayer will always be

Son be a better, greater, wiser,

Reflection of me.

Dear Elliot and Ethan...thank you.

Happy 11th Birthday Ethan

ETHAN....




Eleven years ago today, God
Thought I needed to be reminded of 
His incredible love for me
And gave me the gift of you. I can
Never thank Him enough.

Touched by an Angel in Walmart?

My plans for the evening had gone south.

And since I didn't fancy spending the evening with the three people I share living space with and since I also  needed a new can opener, deodorant and a birthday card (in that order) I decided to go to Walmart.

It was only when I pulled into the car park, that it occurred to me I still had my house clothes on. A floral shirt, old jeans and green Christmas socks. What did I look like? But who dresses up to go to Walmart anyway? Oh Lord. I could only hope and pray that :-

a. I wouldn't see anyone in Walmart that I knew.
b. I wouldn't get my photograph secretly taken for  "The People of Walmart"

Have you ever seen "The People of Walmart?" If not click here at your own risk. You were warned!

So this had to be a quick trip. Too bad. I wasn't in a hurry to go back home.

I got the first two items, and then went over to the greeting cards. I spent a few moments browsing, when I  heard a voice..."My, that's a lot you're carrying there." It was an elderly gentleman. Dressed casually but smart. Perhaps in his mid-seventies.

At first I thought he was talking to someone else, but we were the only ones in the aisle. He didn't look crazy, so I assumed  he must be talking to me. But carrying what? I only had two small items in my trolley.

"Excuse me?"

"I was just thinking it looks a little heavy for you to carry"

Was this sarcasm? "What?" Perhaps he was a little crazy.


"Oh..," he said laughing. "...not what's in your basket, I'm talking about what you're carrying on your shoulders. Looks like it's a heavy load".

I was speechless. Was he a mind reader?  How did he know I was worrying in Walmart? Was it that obvious? Written on my forehead? I didn't quite know how to respond.

"I was just going to get a coffee .Care to join me?" he said.

I'm not sure why, but I nodded, dropped the card into my trolley, and walked with him to McDonalds. He ordered a coffee. I ordered an orange juice (and a sandwich of high calorific value - yes I'd already had supper, but it was that kind of day.) And before I could get the money out of my wallet, he thrust a twenty dollar bill into the cashiers hand. He paid. I felt a little guilty, but he was quite insistent.

We sat down and there was no awkward silence. We began talking about the weather. Seriously we did. Just weather. For about 15 minutes. The mild winter. The early spring. The gusting winds this evening. Weather. And yet somehow it was the most refreshing conversation I'd had in a long time.

After a while he got up to leave and we shook hands. Then turning he said... "God has only given you two hands, so don't carry any unnecessary bags."  Then he added with a chuckle... "Especially now they charge you 5 cents for each bag. You take care now."

And then he was gone.

I went to pay for my items plus one more. Some gum. Then I realized... he didn't buy anything!

So what exactly did he come to Walmart for?

Maybe he was lonely. Maybe he was just a kind old man with money and time to spare. Maybe he felt sorry for me, because I was dressed like one of the "People of Walmart" and looked like a hobo. Maybe he had Alzheimers and forgot what he came for. Or maybe, just maybe, he was heaven sent for such a time as this. I don't know if he was an angel (the jury is still out on that one), but he was most certainly a blessing in disguise.

I hung around for a while to see if he would come back. He didn't.

I know you can always find a bargain in Walmart, but sometimes you can find more that you bargained for. And in keeping with the logo, his advice saved me money and aimed to help me live a better life. And what did it cost me? Nothing. A mere 15 minutes of my time.

Some of the best things in life are free. Like good advice. So I took it and tried to let go of the the issue that's been bothering me. Hakuna Matata.

Of course I will go back to Walmart.With a better wardrobe choice next time. And you can be sure I'll wander up and down the greeting card aisle. Because well, you never know!





Hebrews 13 v 2 "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so some people have entertained angels without knowing it"

Mission Accomplished.

 We were on a mission.

She was cold, tired and hurting. At 1 hour 46 minutes and 15 seconds she ran across the finish line. Her race was over. And by all accounts her mission was accomplished. Almost. She still had something left to do.

So she grabbed a bottle of water, collected her finishers medal and put on a thin plastic poncho to protect her from the extreme cold wind. Then she started running again. This time in the opposite direction. Running back.

She ran for about half a kilometer until she saw one of the runners from her group. Then she turned with them and ran them home. All the way to the finish line.

She did this again. And again. Approximately 9 times until all of her runners were finished.

She is Angie.

"'Leave no man behind"


You will hear this phrase used by the military.The U.S marines. It's like an unwritten code between soldiers.When they go out on a mission, no matter how tough the battle is, they will
 never leave a soldier behind. Ever.

Angie is a marathon instructor and I am one of the runners in her clinic. She knows a lot about marathons, because she has run many of them . She knows about the physical and mental stamina that is needed to endure and complete the race. She knows it can be tough out there. So whenever she takes us out for training or for a race, she practices a code. A clinic instructors code. Leave no runner behind.

Since she is fast, Angie is usually one of the first to finish. But she's never truly finished until the last runner gets to the end. Sometimes she has to wait for us, sometimes she has to call us and on occasion she may have to drive to find one of us . But we're never left alone.

On Sunday I was on a mission too. A simple training exercise. It should have been easy, but shin splints made it feel like mission impossible. Still I soldiered on. And just when I thought I couldn't go any further, there was Angie running toward me. She came back for the last runner. Me.

We were 600 metres away from the finish line. At the end of the race there are always crowds, cheering, music and festivities. I tuned out all the noise so I could listen to the voice that I've come to know and trust during my training. Angie. She ran alongside me with encouraging words until I got to the finish line.

After the sweet exchange of salty tears and much saltier sweat, she said "You did it Elaine, you did it."  But I knew it I didn't do it on my own. It was a team effort. We did it together.

At 2 hours 23 minutes and 45 seconds I stopped running. Then and only then could Angie finally stop running too. I realized that although mine was a solo mission, Angie's wasn't. Her mission ended when mine did. Mission accomplished.

I am glad that when I race, I only have worry about getting myself to the finish line. But I am so grateful for the leaders like Angie, Colin, Monick, Megan, Dom and Diane who make it their mission to bring every last runner home.

March 4th 2012

Late for Lent

I'm late, I'm late....for a very important date.

It's Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. And I (almost) missed it.

How? It's on the calendar. It's like a red letter day. For Christians, that's right up there with

 Christmas and Easter.

Lent. The forty day period leading up to Easter. A period of fasting or abstinence.
 A period of self-sacrifice.

It's observed by some faiths and religions. It's observed by people who say they are not religious.
Some are more religious about it than others. Some even go as far as to spend time in
prayer and fasting deciding exactly what to abstain from.
I however never even gave it a second thought. 

Until right now. And it's almost over.

Lateness is the theme of my life. I race around like the White Rabbit. Always running. Always late.

So this afternoon, after a morning of running around, I sat down for a while at my computer. First I checked my mail,  then I read a few blog posts, then went onto facebook. And as I was staring 

at the blinking screen, it stared back at me.

 And there was the answer 

to my tardiness.

My laptop is a distraction. A big distraction. My biggest distraction

I turn it on to send an email, or write a blog post, or read other blogs , or go onto facebook,

 and before you know it I've spent an hour or two or three...  

...and then I'm late.

I'm tired of being late. It's exhausting.

It needs to stop and a big part of stopping it will be to rid myself of distractions.

So I made a decision. I'm not going  to "give up" the computer during Lent, but just to use it later. Much later. After 6pm. When I've done everything else that I want or need to do. I may be a little late 

responding to emails and messages. I  may miss birthdays on facebook. I'm sorry.

 If I miss yours I'll  be sure to send you a belated message.

I'm posting this now because I had problems all day yesterday with blogger.

 And now it goes OFF.

L8er!

Snow Day

A don't wanna sit down day
A let's paint the town day
A get up and go day
Hooray - it's a snow day

 A do as we please day
Who cares if we freeze day?
A no place to go day
Why work - it's a snow day

A play on the drive day
A glad I'm alive day
Don't go with the flow day
Stay out - it's a snow day

Turn your frown upside down day
An act like a clown day
A put on a show day
Make men out of snow day

It's a family fun day
A who needs the sun day?
A lets grab a sled day
Go down hill instead day

 So, "Hakuna Matata"
No worries, just laughter
Whatever comes your way day
Celebrate - it's a snow day



Thankful for the 12 cm of packing snow. Good times.

The Waiting Room

Yesterday I went to the walk-in clinic with my 13 year old son. He'd hurt his finger playing soccer the day before and it was now very swollen.

Earlier, both children had been at a dentist appointment. I didn't want to take both of them to the clinic, so I stopped at home to drop off my other son.

While we were there, I told my 13 year old to get his iPod or a book, so that he'd have something to do in the waiting room. He refused to get out of the car. I told him that there was no way I could predict the length of time it would take to see the doctor. Still he refused. I could've got the book for him, but I want him to learn to take some responsibility for his actions. I asked him one more time. He said no so I took him to the clinic sans entertainment.

I asked the receptionist how long she thought we would have to wait. She estimated 20 minutes. No worries.


I pulled out my book (which I had in my bag for their dentist appointment) and started to read. My son however, became bored after about 5 minutes. Having Aspergers Syndrome, anxiety and a sore finger made it very difficult for him to relax. "When are we going to see the doctor?" he asked me. "I don't know" I said. He then proceeded to ask me this question over and over at two minutes intervals.

An hour later, we were still waiting. My son was ready to have a meltdown. So was I.

Then they called his name. But called 5 other names before his. We were told to go to "Booth F"
and I knew they would be seeing the people in " Booths A-E" before we would be seen. Great.

"Why is the doctor not coming yet?"  or "Why is she wasting the doctors time when all she has is a cough?" then "Doesn't the doctor know how to tell time? And I couldn't give him an answer.

People with Aspergers need absolutes not ambiguity and uncertainty. They don't like when routines are switched or changed. They like things to be predictable and orderly. His plans for how he was going to spend his Thursday evening had suddenly and dramatically changed. He was freaking out.

Still waiting.

Then came the nurse who asked questions, took notes and told us that the doctor would be along shortly.

Still more waiting.

Finally, 1 hour and 47 minutes later, we saw the doctor.  He like me, suspected a broken finger. So he sent us upstairs to have an x-ray. But first we'd have to sit in another waiting room.

Half an hour later we came back downstairs. The doctor confirmed the fracture and we went to the treatment room to have his finger isolated and placed in a splint.

It's hard to wait and my son proved to be a very impatient patient.  I think the waiting room experience was more painful for him and perhaps worse than any pain he felt in his finger. Life threw him a curveball. He wasn't prepared. But I should've known better. I should've just gotten the iPod for him myself. This was not the time to teach my son a lesson. It was time to be supportive to him. He has Autism.

But I can relate.

It's been a tough week for me. I too have been in a few waiting rooms myself. I've had some "abnormal" test results. Further testing has proved "inconclusive". I've been here before. Some of you know my history.  Here we go again.

I guess what this means is, I'm going to have to ride the roller-coaster again while strapped in the waiting room chair. It's a white knuckle ride with no screaming allowed. There will be "I don't know's, maybe's and uncertainties." My short term plans and goals may have to change or be placed on hold.

And I'll have to wait.

I just ask you to be patient with me.